“Aye, little Art come here,” was how it all began. We had been having a BB gun war amongst us neighborhood screw ups when out of nowhere my name was chosen out of a hat; it was now my time to step up to the plate. I was handed an all-black “Jansport backpack” and a compacted 9mm Smith and Wesson. I was told that the backpack was full of money and that the objective was to guard it with my life. I was dropped off on one of the many main streets in my city, when out of nowhere a convoy made up of 2 Tahoes and an all-black Challenger picked me up. Within seconds of being picked up I was directed to put on the blindfold that sat in the passenger seat, and so I did. The drive was not that long--about 15 to 20 minutes but for that 5th grader seated in the passenger seat of the Challenger, those few minutes felt like hours. By this time, in my short-lived life, drive-bys, shoot-outs, drug addicts, drug deals, guns, and police harassment were all normal to me. This is the narrative of a young boy who at a very “young” age, had to destroy his childhood in order to survive the ghetto concrete streets; these streets gave him the sense of belonging for which he was desperately searching for in his empty household.
The transformation that I underwent was dramatic. By the 7th grade I had already been shot; the bullet of a Glock 40. penetrated my upper left leg missing my main artery by mere centimeters. Through the results of this traumatizing event the school that I was attending thought it was best for me to attend a special class that began at 10:00am and end at 3:30pm. I never really understood why up until now: this time frame kept me from having contact with all the other children/kids who were attending the school. I was now a risk on campus. I would undergo random searches, body pat downs, and the VIP treatment of having a security guard walking distance from me all day, creating this stigma that labeled me as a “menace”. The little control my parents had vanished. I was now the one in control (or so I believed). To be a 12-year-old running 19, 20, 21-year old's was a privilege that not many ever received in my neighborhood. I was making more money than both of my parents combined. I was making $25,000, to $35,000 monthly while my mom and dad were making up to $5,900 to $6,000 giving my siblings and me the bare minimum. By this point in my life I was no longer wearing my older brothers’ hand-me-downs; I was now wearing pressed 501s, pressed t-shirts, and the Air Jordans to school. I was even sneaking $400-$500 dollars into my mother's purse to avoid the end of the month arguments that occurred over the rent.
In the midst of my journey I met the brightest and most beautiful young lady. Her name will remain a mystery but the bubble that I lived in burst the moment she entered my life. In the beginning, I was everything but a faithful boyfriend. I test every boundary and I did everything I could to avoid feeling anything for this young lady. The very moment I began to feel anything I ran the other way and told her it was over. I was really just scared, or maybe even confused. I didn’t see what she saw in me, most of all, I didn’t understand the “why” to the love she displayed for me. I was a nobody; I couldn’t do anything to save my life. All I was gifted and talented in was getting myself in trouble and inflicting pain on those I loved because I didn’t know what it was like to actually matter to somebody. But that all changed one day when she came out of my apartment at around 10:00pm begging me to go in. The moment that I refused and said no, she shook her head and took a seat in the stair cases of my apartments, and waited. Till about 2:00 in the morning when my mother came out to give her a blanket due to my ignorance, she had refused to leave me outside with my homies and waited loyal almost all night. At 4:00am one of my big homies approached me furiously and told me it was not alright to just have my girlfriend sitting outside just because I wasn’t ready to go in yet. He made me realize that my ignorance would one day cost me a pretty penny. But before I did go into my apartment he called her over and in front of him made me apologize for being an “ass-hole”. That night I got the message, and never again did I let her sit in those stairs.
A high school dropout and an up to no good gangbanger defined me once upon of time. I was arrested in October 3rd, 2018 in the state of Oregon, and was extradited on October 12th, 2018 to my home state “California”. At that time my girlfriend was pregnant. She was due to give birth on January 21, 2018. My main focus was to get to see my son brought in to this world, but I had failed the simplest task of being present. Instead my son was born on January 14, 2018. I remember it as if it were yesterday because my birthday is on January 21 and I remember not feeling anything. I felt disconnected from everybody around me. My mentality was still very immature. My neighborhood still had a grasp on me and the gang life was all I was striving to perfect.
Five years have now passed and I’m confident enough to say that I am able to stand on my own two feet. My neighborhood is the least of my worry, my life now revolves around my family, and around my girlfriend who at one point I treated terribly. This girl who owes nothing to me, has put up with and has blindly taken every step alongside me in this fucked up journey. She’s been my anchor, a true blessing who I dragged through hell because of my poor decision making. She’s helped me grow and has helped me value my life. I’ve obtained my high school diploma, and am attending college. I currently have 30 units and am just focused on my bigger picture which is just living a “normal life.” All I need is the opportunity. It would be an honor to one day become a responsible young man and give back to the communities that once used to terrorize.
I am now 21 years old and have been incarcerated for over five years. Throughout my incarceration I’ve learned that my friends were never truly my friends. The sad reality is that I’ve never known what it is to not have. I needed to lose it all in order to gain it all. In all honesty I have gained it all because of my education. As a Mexican-American who has walked, ran, and crawled in sorrow, pain, and hurt, I now understand that I have the final say in who I chose to surround myself with. I am tired of always being in the shadows of this world so I have surrounded myself with a support group that is so full of ambition and fight that they have helped plant a seed and the name of that seed is called success. Over the years, I’ve learned how to be a generous person. A teacher of mine says that I have a "heart made out of gold” (Colleen Byrne). I no longer do things to impress others or to better somebody else; I now do them to better myself and my family. I now think before I act. The impulsive young boy who destroyed his childhood is no longer in me. I needed to not have in order to understand that no one else is going to take care of me but myself. I needed to hear that I was a failure in order to succeed. Success is all that I want. I’ve got nowhere else to go but up.