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Daddy's Calling

Life of a Daughter with an Incarcerated Dad

Samog-J Lemon

I didn't have a horrible childhood full of traumatic crazy stuff but it's one of those things that could've been way better with this one thing. If you knew my life like I do it's arguable that things happen for a reason but sometimes you can't help but feel like you know what's best for your [own] life. This thinking will have you in thick sadness. I know not to play with it now. It's better to think more positively or better yet believe and know god helps at times. To be honest, my faith in him coming home was better in my prime youth—7-13 years old—but again we are all human and birthdays and Christmases fourth of Julys pass and you can't help but to wish you can stop time press pause on it all so he doesn't miss anything else. I remember when I was a freshman in high school praying one night and my faith and prayer life were booming then I asked god to bring him home before I graduate so he can see me walk the stage and for a while, I believed that and then I was full of doubt because it's like he's been in there my whole life kinda and it would seem like a miracle and my faith levels went from 100 to 0 in 2 weeks.

I remember my mom picking me up from work one day at 8:00 my feet were pounding and my back was hurting too and my mom said that she had a surprise my mind immediately went to whether my dad was at the house or if I was getting a jeep my heart flustered and I felt happy at that moment I wish I could have squeezed more in but it passed and I was filled with skepticism all I wanted was for it to be true I could almost taste it but we pulled up and I knew he wasn't in the house and I obviously didn't get a new car. As I'm walking up the stairs I was still hoping my dad would be on the other side of my door but its one of those my heart says yes but my brain says no situations and when I open the door and I put my bag down and turn around someone hugs me from behind a woman with a familiar voice my heart can relax and I turn around I see it was Britney my mom's high school friend I hug her and play off my mere disappointment and go on with my evening and didn't think much of it after.

But another part of you will go through this raging madness of what was he doing. Why did he have to go there in the first place and you think its all his own fault and when he calls you pass the phone right to your sister and go start on your homework instead or when he emails you through the cool app they had at the time you leave his paragraphs of sorriness un read you think you're doing the punishing but when you are thinking more clearer you realize he's locked up with nothing but time to think about why he's in their whos fault it is and how he's making everyone feel being in there so I got over that because life's too short and when you finally read his messages you tear up and forgive because god said. Then next day or so you forgive him for real and you take a deep breath and you go on living your little life because time stops for no one.

You talk to him on the phone and hate it when your mom is always right there and asks you dumb questions like do you love your dad or do you want him to come home. You get so mad and annoyed you tear up just enough to feel it but not enough for anyone to see and say “yea of course” or ask the same question back.

The only times I would argue that all things happen for a reason is that they are a couple and couples fight and they get into screaming matches and when my mom gets mad she sees red and or goes black and she forgets you your mother and her uncle. I never heard my dad's side of an argument but I know that he probably gets just as mad. She blocks him and unblocks but I know they will always make up no matter what. I had faith in that more than anything. 

There were some close calls and life ain't over yet but my mother and father have been through everything together and I'm no therapist but I feel like their relationship is stuck in highschool sometimes. But that's neither here nor there.

There is lots of pain that comes with this life I was gifted he's not dead or away on business and my parents aren't split up I talk to him once every two-weeks minimum and it's one of those things I'm embarrassed about because one kids are mean and my mom has never told me or my baby sister what he did to get in there or to go back yes you read right to go back and two it's kinda stereotypical and ghetto but at the same time I'm none of those I’m what my cousins call whitewashed and you can tell by my voice and lingo and mannerisms and there's nothing wrong with those things. Some will say oh you can't act a color but I'm just trying to simplify things here and you know exactly what I mean whether it's sad or not where we are as a society but anyways back to me. I grew up in a majority Mexican part of anaheim for preschool through 5th grade and 6th through 12 in lake forest where it was majority white and that's how I became to be but either way, it's embarrassing, and I never really got asked about my dad by anyone anyway but only talking about my mom. I'm sure they had their assumptions and I told a few of my friends I only tell people who ask or I feel the closest to.

[I’m] currently struggling with my faith right now [because] it has been so long since I've seen him in person and gotten a hug and a kiss from my father [and] it’s hard graduating and going through life getting my first car or my license or even my permit he missed it all everything even though I tend not to dwell on these things like how I can't just scream from my room for him to come here or ask him a quick question I don't dwell but it'll hit you like a ton of bricks when you watch a daddy-daughter movie or see someone at the coffee shop a dad with his daughter whether she is 4 or 24 its brings sadness to me to see and at night I ask for mercy because this is the part where it seems like it is your fault you did something so bad or maybe you were going to do something. You rack your brain to sleep and your face starts to rain but you do so quietly because if your mother knew it would tear her up more than you know.

My single mother, she calls herself a single mother and I didn't get it when I was younger since she wasn't single.She never denied my dad but she acknowledged that he's not physically here to do the raising of me and my sister makes her a single mom. My dad had a say in whether we could get a second hole pierced or hang out that weekend and my dad would always say yes. She did that to make him feel included.

The single mother is the backbone of black society. I don't know if it takes a village but it definitely takes a strong-minded woman even with limited resources and little to no help. She gets on the county she takes the bus with an infant in a car seat instead of a whole stroller in case she gets a ride she gets a job she cares for nothing but this little seemingly ungrateful human. Milk ain't cheap and neither are diapers but she is a good saver.Family helps but she is determined to be independent. She has a plan she couch surfs till the tide cools down and it is nice and neat jingle jingle she got keys to her new apartment and the little human asks if she gets her own room it's me I’m a little human. She cries tears of joy and tells me yea not realizing that I too knew we were couch surfing.Next a car. Now she after an education and a better job, my single mother. Although nobody is perfect I'm glad I was gifted her she’ll never know how many times I stop and think like wow mom could've been a bum or we could've and still could be on the streets. I’ll never understand the woman with so much against her the system included trials and tribulations we all go through some are just stronger than others and think of things differently enough to get themselves through it and on top of it. Not many actually overcome their demons and stuff but I know my single mom made it about me for so long that she never finished her healing. My single mom raised me not in a Gilmore girls kind of way but I am an independent black body with a good strong mindset that is always positive. She also made sure I knew Jesus, the king of all kings.

My single mother I know she loves me but I hope she knows I love her too because in my madness there was a cloud over me the ugliest and heaviest cloud you'd ever seen I went through my own little thing too and for a while she was my scapegoat. Why would she stay I asked why she picked him have she no self-worth but then the rain must stop for the light and the storm is over now I can see clearly now that the rain is gone and I'm happy she stays and continues to show me what real commitment is and what love is and what a real wife is you are your husband's second rock and you have to try to be as solid as his first which is god of course.

I choose not to believe that I the product of a single black mom am not as valuable as anybody else in society I know I'm biased and only have one eye open on this one but it's true and it's how I feel. Everyone she meets touches on how strong she is they are amazed wondering what else she’ll pull out her hat “these are your daughters” they exclaim! she laughs and smiles like she hasn't heard it all before “I thought yall was sisters!” “I can't believe your mom!” yeah me neither she says modestly. The older we got the more they almost didn't believe it or at least that's what they said. When it gets to your so strong I don't know how you do it. That's when I catch a glimpse of her reaction she almost can't believe it herself and in her cornea, I see despair that’s wrapped up in a nice box with a red bow that seemed like you'd want to open it if it were tangible but it wasn't. It had the opposite effect on you a box you didn't want to open to save anyone this box was like a setup. It was very adam and eveie with the snake in the garden the box being the forbidden fruit only eve didn't open or dream of opening it. It was scary and it made me sad. My single mom had to be both mom and dad my whole life robbed of being the mom she probably dreamed of and forced me to take on that dad role. She knew she couldn't fall short this wasn't the phone bill that she forgot she would have to sacrifice this month. Single black moms sometimes get the femininity sucked out of them against their will they forget or they never get a chance to be such it all depends but without that balance it's hard. My single mom made sure that I never had to worry about the behind-the-scenes but she also made sure I knew it wasn't easy out here. We all are gifted with life and behind the gift is a purpose big or small it's all about perception whether it's to solve world hunger or heal others or just bring glory to the king of kings it's all for a reason bigger than us.

Alberto Lule

Alberto Lule uses readymades, mixed media installations, video, performance, and
tools used by agencies of authority to examine and critique the prison industrial
complex in the United States, particularly the California carceral state. Using his
own experiences, he aims to tie the prison industrial complex to other American
political issues such as immigration, homelessness, drug addiction, and mental
health. Lule creates artworks that explore institutional roles as gatekeepers of
knowledge, authorities of culture, administrators of discipline, and executors of
punishment. He is the recipient of the Public Impact Fellowship, Claire Trevor
School of the Arts, UC Irvine, 2022-2023. The 2020 Kay Nielsen Memorial
Drawing Award, The Hammer Museum, Los Angeles. Alberto received a BA in Art
from The University of California Los Angeles, and is currently pursuing his MFA
from the Claire Trevor School of the Arts at UC Irvine.

Cassandra Flores

Hello! My name is Cassandra Flores and I was raised in South El Monte after my parents’ immigrated from Nayarit, México to East LA. I spent my summers in high school exploring politics and multicultural literature. This is where I began to dissect my own cultural identity through the works of writers like Gloria Anzaldúa and Oscar Zeta Acosta. I find power in vulnerability and confrontation in all types of writing, including music. The lyricism of artists such as Clairo, Natalia Lafourcade, and Lorde foster an intimacy I hope to capture in my own writing. Things that bring me joy include my cat, Kiwi, dancing, concerts, and crafts that stimulate my creativity! As a student at UC Irvine, I study Social Policy and Public Service and I’ve been dancing with Ballet Folklorico de UCI for two years. My favorite poet at the moment is Yesika Salgado. I resonate with her experiences, the bilingualism in her writing, and aim to one day publish my own poetry book.

Tatyana Hazelwood

Tatyana grew up as a low-income, first-gen, African-American, Panamanian and Mexican student in both Orange County and San Diego, CA. She works as a System-Impacted Peer Mentor and an intern for the LIFTED Program. At UC Irvine, she is a Psychological Science (B.A.) and Criminology, Law & Society (B.A.) double major. Being a system-impacted student herself, she had a difficult upbringing and strives to find healing through success in education to end generational sacrifices. She began writing personal poems in her creative writing course in high school but often felt restricted to the conventional rules of poetry. Her works shared in Issue 4 are her most personal and meaningful poems.

Janellee Hernandez

Hello! My name is Janellee and I am a first-generation college student who was raised in a Guatemalan household. I have always loved how art has been a medium (in any form) that allows people to say something without actually speaking. Whether it’s to communicate a deeper meaning or is just there to simply exist. Photography has been something that I have always enjoyed and found that it is my way of self expression.

John Dayot

John Silvan Dayot is a rising senior at UCI studying English. He recently became an alumni of the award-winning nonprofit program Ghetto Film School (GFS). With a background in film, John wants to grow as a storyteller and develop projects with his community of talented friends. He believes art is always growing and is currently inspired by visual arts and capturing real life/people.

Daniel Le

Daniel Le is a third year student studying psychology with a minor in digital arts. Originally from Cerritos, CA, he enjoys exploring new things with friends, making spotify playlists, getting tattoos, and immersing himself in his Vietnamese culture.

Dontaye Henderson

Dontaye Henderson was raised in Atlanta Georgia and now resides in San Diego, California. He attends UCI studying to earn his BA degree in Sociology. His inspiration comes from his children and loving mother. He desires to use his education to help aid the struggling youth in society as a mentor. He enjoys writing poetry, reading, drawing, and cooking. He is grateful for this opportunity with furthering his education with UCI and plans to be the best version of himself towards everyone he meets.

Victor Lopez

My name is Victor Lopez. I am an incarcerated student at Richard J. Donovan State Prison. Serving a life sentence does not give a father much room to be a positive role model. Educating myself to motivate my daughter Arriana was the best that I could do. My past actions does not define who I am, with or without my freedom, I will contrive to be a better man.

Martha Trujillo

Martha Coral Trujillo is a 28-year-old currently attending Fullerton College to obtain a Paralegal Certificate after having completed a Master's Degree in Criminology, Law and Society. Martha's goal is to become a Criminal Lawyer and to continue to work with supporting youth at risk. Martha continues to write in journals and is currently working on Journal 33. Martha's passion for assisting and serving underrepresented youth has been the motivation for her to continue to reach higher and do more in the Justice System.

Patrick Acuña

Patrick was born in San Gabriel, California but was raised by the carceral system. After three decades of incarceration, he is the first member of UCI’s LIFTED (Leveraging Inspiring Futures Through Educational Degrees) to transition to campus as a first-generation senior with an emphasis in Psychological Science and Criminology, Law, and Society. When Patrick isn’t on campus, he volunteers with Guide Dogs of America where he trains dogs for children on the autism spectrum and veterans managing PTSD and/or overcoming combat related mobility impairment. His other passions include backcountry hiking, working out, and traveling. He’s recently returned from a 30-day cross country road trip where he slept on the sidewalk of New York’s Time Square, a back-alley doorway in DC, and the parking lot of a Las Vegas Cracker Barrel.

Yuzhou Michael Ju

Yuzhou Michael Ju, a second-year Sociology major at UCI, is an international student who was born and raised in Chongqing, China. He completed his entire K-12 education in China before coming to the U.S. for college. Yuzhou is particularly interested in immigration studies, with a focus on Chinese Americans. Whenever he visits a Chinatown, he feels curious about the people there: what motivates them to move to a distant place, and how do they establish new homes in an unfamiliar country? First-generation immigrants, in particular, must have made significant commitments to their entire families in order to support the future of their offspring. In his free time, Yuzhou dedicates most of his time to volunteering as a tour guide at art exhibitions or historical relics museums in Chongqing. He guides visitors through exhibitions showcasing Dunhuang Buddhist murals and shares the history of Chongqing's role as the War Capital of China during WWII.

Feliz Aguilar

Feliz is a disabled, non-binary, first-generation, Latinx creator proudly hailing from the East Side of Salinas, CA. They recently graduated from UC Irvine in June 2023, double majoring in Literary Journalism and International Studies. Their passion for learning and experiences as a first-generation student inspired them to question the accessibility of post-undergraduate higher education, leading to the piece featured in this issue. The people fighting injustice around the world are their greatest inspiration, and they hope to continue standing in solidarity with those resisting oppression globally — whether in writing or on the ground.

Helena San Roque

My name is Helena San Roque. I’m a third year Literary Journalism major at UCI. I wrote my piece “Azat Artsakh, Free Us All'' as a nod to my Armenian heritage. However, it’s more than that— it wasn’t until college that I learned about the broad anti-imperialist struggle across various nations in Latin America, Palestine, Armenia, the Philippines, India, etc… In this piece, I talk about Armenia and Palestine: in 2020 the Artsakh war broke out after a decades long armistice between Armenia and Azerbaijan. Israel, which has committed grave atrocities against Palestine, continued to support Azerbaijan in their unjust war against Armenia, resulting in capturing Armenian territory in a trial of human rights abuses. But when your father’s homeland is attacked, what can I, an “American” college student, do? For me, to truly help emancipate my people, the answer was to get educated and organize.

Guadalupe Parra

Guadalupe is a first-generation student majoring in History with the goal of becoming a teacher. She was born in a tiny town in Jalisco, Mexico, and moved to the US with her parents when she was three. She grew up in the San Fernando Valley, surrounded by Mexican culture, and uses that as inspiration in her poetry.

Mariah Rosario

My name is Mariah Rosario and I am a UCI 2022 graduate and alumni. The following portfolio I submitted is my college senior thesis I submitted for my final. It depicts my story of self-emancipation and finding myself through independence and trauma.

Makyla McLeod

Makyla is a Black, first-generation student born and raised in North Carolina. She is currently entering her 3rd year in undergrad with a double major in International Studies and Literary Journalism. As the author of "I Educate", Makyla looked to voice not only her personal experience as the oldest child in a southern Black household looking to further her education, but to also pay homage and express gratitude to the village that continues to help her get there. In her free time, besides writing, she enjoys listening to music, reading, playing video games, and watching horror movies.

Serenity Thu Ritchey

Serenity is a third-year English major from Garden Grove, CA. She has a soft spot for poetry, among other things, like honeycombs, and the color green. She thinks words are pretty sweet and wants to believe in them. (Sometimes she does).

Josie Bitnes

Originally from Washington, Josie is a second year criminology, law, and society major seeking a literary journalism minor. She plans on attending law school to become a criminal defense attorney. In her free time, she skis with UCI’s Ski and Snowboard club and enjoys playing guitar, reading, and being outside in nature.

Corbin Li

Corbin is a first-generation college student studying Civil Engineering at UC Irvine. Growing up in California, they fell in love alongside Pacific air, late night guitar, and bonfires at the beach. Corbin’s passions lie in the intersection between engineering, art, and society, and they look forward to further exploring these topics in future years.

Erik Perez

First and foremost my name is Erik Perez and I am 20 years young. I am an artistic expressionist and Chicano artist. I’m from Southern California where we dream big and plant seeds for the world to flourish.

Francisco Vazquez

My name is Francisco Vazquez and I am 20 years old from the city of Santa Ana–that’s the place I call home. I’ve been in and out of the Orange County Juvenile Hall since the age of 14. I’m on my way to prison and I’m in a different mindset than the one I had 2 years ago when I first got here. In here I like to read, draw, and work out. I got a hidden talent which is to sing and I would like to pursue that upon release. I attend college here and I try to be a role model for my peers. In the future I hope to give back to my community, which I used to terrorize at some point.

Helen Barahona

Helen Barahona recently graduated from the University of California, Irvine (‘23). She double-majored in Political Science (Honors) & Sociology and over the summer she interned in DC with the Shadow Topics team as a research intern at the Political Violence Lab. Prior to working with the lab she served as a student assistant at the UCI Basic Needs Center, and as the managing editor for LUCID through the Dream Project Fellowship. During her free-time she likes to read, write, paint, rate movies on letterboxd and go bike-riding!

Jaaziel de la Luz

I am from Veracruz, Mexico and currently a second year math PhD student at UCI. I enjoy writing, reading philosophy, skateboarding, learning languages, traveling, hiking, jogging, sketching, and doing research. I am passionate about community building and exploring the world.

Juan Jimenez

My name is juan jimenez. 
I’ve been incarcerated for 
just about 5 yrs. In the 
midst of this quest, I’ve 
developed a hobby!
             I’m a writer 
from the ghetto! Don’t you 
disregard my message . . .
Told them all that made me 
feel like I was less than: 
             Here’s a little bout my story. Not a boy. I know 
             I’m destined

Pablo Ramirez

My name is Pablo. They also call me Pablito. At this moment Im placed in JH. In here I’ve learned many things about myself and my surroundings. I’ve learned how the brain works and how trauma affects your thinking. Right now I’m going to high school at the moment. Ima graduate in December. Im excited because I want to go to college. I used to be wild. I didn’t care about life Itself. All I cared about was putting in work for my hood and shit like that. that was me out there. In here Im more calm kick back. I’m changing. This change Im doing is mostly for my family. They need me out there to support them emotionally and financially. I [used to be] the man of the house. At a young age I would work hard and pay my jefa for rent. [My mom] would struggle and that bummed me out, but there were also times where I shit where I slept. Now Im focused on getting my education and learning new stuff every day. Im more open minded. When I get out me voy a poner las pellas to work hard to buy a house for my lil family. I want to be a welder. I wanna learn the art of welding. Im a hands on person. Im thankful for everything I’ve been through. It taught me a lot.

Samog-J Lemon

I am a current student at Irvine Valley College and I'm majoring in communicative disorders. I was born in Anaheim. I love spending time with family and friends; as I got older I realized how important that was. I am a Christian and go to church with my great grandma every Sunday. I like to write poems on the beach; it’s my new way of clearing my mind. I actually do write now to clear my head, something I would’ve never knew I liked but I find therapeutic.

Allan Plata

Born in City of Orange, Ca., my family and I have moved from room to room. Eventually my mother was able to afford an apartment of her own. I always lived in rural areas in the same city then eventually I would get involved with the people in my environment. Father was in and out the picture due to negative habits and mother was either busy or would put her priorities before her own children. My sister was a second mother and also a friend that would try to guide me to do better things for myself, though I was stubborn and didn’t want to listen to what others had to say.

Dee Richards

Dee Richards is a neurodiverse writer of feminist horror and memoir, holding a BA in English from UC Irvine, and a current master’s candidate in Creative Writing. Dee has worked as a writer for Phi Beta Kappa and CBR.com; beside professional publications, their work has appeared in ten anthologies, and has achieved three awards for creative non-fiction.  Dee’s main focuses are in autotheory and its intersections with fiction, hybrid forms, and graphic literature, with a particular passion for graphic memoir. For more of their work, please visit deerichardswrites.medium.com.

Luisa Fernanda Benitez

My name is Luisa Fernanda Benitez Q. I grew up in Huntington Park as a first gen mexican american. Double majoring in sociology, and Gender & sex studies with a minor in queer studies i’ve always wanted to work within my community. Pursuing a career has only further pushed me into my art. In my poetry i discuss topics of my story, my culture, my gender and other vulnerable parts of my identity and life. I love to block print, read science fiction, needle felt, Minecraft and paint. I love to listen to Amanditititita, Maria Daniela y Su Sonido Lasser, Mickey Darling and El General. I hope to publish a poetry book and work on other creative endeavors like working with glass and clothing designs!!!

Rohan Webb

Rohan Webb is an 18 year old undergraduate researcher at the Sue and Bill Gross Stem Cell Research Center. Having grown up in Virginia and gone to high school in Missouri, they're now a premed student at UC Irvine. When they're not knee deep in textbooks, Rohan enjoys exploring backwoods trails, nestling up with a good novel, or chasing a thunderstorm across midwestern plains. Rohan tries to use poetry to give voice and form to feelings they can't quite get across in words.

Jo Jenkins

Jo Jenkins is a creative and portrait photographer studying Art at UC Irvine. As a black woman artist, she has observed a lack of authentic cultural representation in photography as a common theme. Her work aims to capture melanated skin tones in her photography while highlighting subtle vibrance accurately. This piece was created to bring awareness to childhood cancer. To cope with the catastrophic loss of her baby sister to cancer, photography has served her as an artistic medium in which she can capture the lives of her family, creating memories that, unfortunately, outlive them.

Isabelle Tran

My name is Isabelle Tran, a UCI undergraduate student studying math. The drawing "My Dad" depicts what my dad's body looked like during his battle of fighting rectal cancer. During the time he was struggling to find an appetite and it caused him to be extremely skinny. Although he has now passed, I drew this to recognize those like my dad who struggle with medical issues but continue to stay strong.

Isabel Schwager

Hello! My name is Isabel Schwager. I’m a student at Santa Ana College studying to be a graphic designer. I was born and raised in Orange County in a multicultural and multiracial/ethnic family. My passion is everything related to visual art. Currently I’m exploring how visual design and aspects of computer science can make products and services more usable, enjoyable, and accessible for people. As a disabled student from a low-income family who has self- advocated for access to the American educational system, I identify with the idea that social justice and equity in education are still evolving. The arts, as a powerful platform for communication and education have always been a historical medium for social change. I’m interested in using this platform to improve the lives of students like me and others who find themselves underrepresented and disadvantaged in society.

Kayla Jackson

Kayla Jackson is an undergraduate student at UC Irvine, originating from Modesto, Ca. In her writing, she draws on personal experiences and stories to forge connections that resonate with readers. Her piece, "Women's Health: Look Your Best" reflects on past moments that have shaped her perspective, illustrating the often-overlooked impact of our actions and words on others. Outside of her studies, Kayla enjoys writing, painting, and baking.

Jacqueline Salazar Romo

Jacqueline Salazar Romo is a first-generation UCI Literary Journalism alum and avid creative, being passionate about writing and illustration ever since she can remember. Born in Jalisco, Mexico, Jacqueline immigrated to the United States with her family at ten years old in search of better opportunities and economic advancement. Her lived experience as not only a first-gen immigrant and college graduate, but also as a queer Latina trying to come to terms with having multiple identities to juggle, has greatly shaped her perspective and projects, as she hopes to be a vocal advocate for marginalized and underrepresented voices and to bring difficult but important conversations to mainstream audiences. She received her Bachelor of Arts in 2023 and has since explored various other fields, from data analytics to marketing to public health, but always ends up returning to her creative projects. She hopes to continue learning and pursuing her lifelong aspiration of being a fulfilled author-illustrator.

Rana Darwich

My name is Rana Darwich, and I'm a second-year student at Irvine Valley College with plans to transfer to a four-year university within the University of California System. Through my writing, I've discovered a sense of community and found my voice, particularly in publications like Lucid. For me, writing is a way to seek Truth, and I strive to be as honest as possible in my work. While I don't believe there is an objective truth to be found, I do believe that when two people find common ground in an experience, they become witnesses to a shared perspective, which is more valuable, more persuasive, and less lonely, than a single perspective.

I oppose filtering my writing just to avoid addressing taboo topics because I believe in making writing accessible to everyone, not just those who can relate to your achievement and accomplishments. My goal is to communicate effectively with readers from all walks of life. We all share common feelings and experiences, and while stoicism has its place, the trend of hiding our struggles, perpetuated by social media’s portrayal of idealism, has become the source of isolation, which I believe has no place in an educational setting. This creates the illusion that people are alone in their challenges, when in reality, many of us face the same difficulties. I believe that if we, as students, can't admit we’re struggling, we only promote isolation and a fictitious reality. Where in a community where so many of us share aspects of our sometimes, extremely imperfect lives. The truth I hope to convey is that nobody is truly alone in their struggles. There is common ground beyond idealism. 

Tracy Wangui Njuguna

Hi, my name is Tracy Njuguna but I also go by Koi. (Fun fact) Koi is the shorthand version of my full Kenyan middle name. Hence, I chose to go by Koi Visualss to keep hold of my Kenyan roots. I am a beginner photographer with an eye for capturing both special and regular moments in life. My passion for photography comes from my upbringing. With being the first in my family to grow up and get an education in America, documentation has been a big part of my life as well as my family's. Along with that, music has also played a driving force in my interest in storytelling, both visually with photo and video. So to combine the two, documentation and storytelling, is what brought me where I am today.

Naomi Salazar

My name is Naomi Salazar, and I was raised in a border city named Calexico. I am the eldest out of three sisters, and the daughter of my mother- the inspiration behind so much of what I do. I’ve always found solace in academics and continue to indulge in being a student in higher education, even four years after my acceptance into UCI. On campus, I’ve filled my days with the Psychology B.S. major requirements, working for undergraduate housing, program planning for the Latinx Resource Center, and getting to know the people who have brightened my time here. I had the privilege of being immersed in my culture because the border was within the eye-view of my front yard. So, to me being, learning, and thinking about Mexico was about moving forward (into that front yard). Moving away from home and being exposed to a sense of diversity foreign to me has forced me to think and evaluate my identity, and so much of what I’ve uncovered makes me yearn for simplicity that is unattainable if we want much-needed change. My writing seeks personal clarity within these emotions resulting from grander, more complex systems and ideas surrounding me.

Mia Aburto

Mia Aburto is a sophomore at UC Irvine majoring in software engineering. She spends most of her free time painting, crocheting, reading, or writing. For her, art is a medium that can inspire other people or, in this case, help others become self-aware of their mental health. Before going to UCI, Mia went to school in Mexico, so many of her inspirations are based on authors such as Laura Esquivel and Juan Rulfo, whom she read in high school.

Niki Emadi

I was born and raised in Iran and moved to the United States two years ago. Currently, I’m an art student at OCC. My approach to creating art is very intuitive. On the surface, my work often serves as a visual experiment with different mediums, as one of my biggest inspirations is the medium itself. On a subconscious level, my art always carries a piece of me—whether it’s a reflection of a feeling, an experience, or simply a showcase of my latest drawing skills.

Mikiztli Sarapura Ortiz

I am a nontraditional student and veteran from the Appalachian mountains. I graduated from UCI with a B.S. in Earth System Science. I am Huichol (Wixaritari) on my mother’s side and Quechua on my father’s side. I have a spiritual and scientific connection to the earth that drives both my academic work and pass time. I enjoy being in nature, beadwork, making jewelry, and going to concerts. I enjoy everything from Chicano Batman to Type O Negative.

Julian Smith-Newman

Julian Smith-Newman is a writer of fiction and non-fiction as well as a committed member of the Los Angeles Tenants Union. He teaches composition at UC Irvine.

John Gillespie

John Gillespie Jr. is an artist, songwriter, and PhD candidate in Comparative Literature at the University of California, Irvine. His research interests include: Black suicide as a problem for thought; continental philosophy and critical psychiatry; science and technology studies; and Black aesthetics. His writing has been published in places such as the Encyclopedia for Racism in American Film, Propter Nos, Critical Ethnic Studies, Catalyst, Machina and more. He is also the creator and writer of the Mumble Theory blog and is currently working on releasing an album under the same name.

Selah Garrett

clown

Leticia Espinoza

Leticia Espinoza is a 21-year-old undergraduate majoring in Criminology Law & Society and minoring in Public Health at UC Irvine. In both areas of study, she hopes to inform her on social issues within her community. Leticia aims to attend Law School after college and obtain a Law Degree in Corporate or Civil Law. She hopes to use her future career to contribute any financial resources to ending sexual assault on college campuses and uplifting young college women. This is motivated by her current involvement in the UC Irvine CARE office’s Violence Intervention & Prevention course. Which offers her training for at-risk situations to then bring back to SFL spaces and her Panhellenic chapter.

Lorene Delany-Ullman

Lorene Delany-Ullman's book of prose poems, Camouflage for the Neighborhood, won the 2011 Sentence Award. She recently published her poetry and creative nonfiction in Citric Acid, Zócalo Public Square, and TAB: A Journal of Poetry & Poetics. The following anthologies have included her work: Orange County, A Literary Field Guide, Bared: Contemporary Poetry and Art on Bras and Breast, Beyond Forgetting: Poetry and Prose about Alzheimer’s Disease, and Alternatives to Surrender. She collaborates with artist Jody Servon on Saved: Objects of the Dead, a photographic and poetic exploration of the human experience of life, death, and memory. Excerpts from their collaborative project have been published in AGNI, Tupelo Quarterly, Tarpaulin Sky, Palaver, Lunch Ticket, and Citric Acid and exhibited nationwide in over thirty museums, galleries, and libraries. In January 2023, Artsuite (Wilson, NC) published a book version of Saved: Objects of the Dead. Delany-Ullman taught composition for twenty-four years at the University of California, Irvine.

Rachael Collins

Rachael has been an educator and teacher of writing in the California Community College system and at UCI since 2005. A proud homeschooled student, CCC transfer and UC graduate twice over with a PhD in early modern poetry, Rachael is committed to curriculum design that focuses on providing high quality, innovative, and democratically-centered writing instruction to disadvantaged learners, including those who are limited to online learning environments. Drawing upon the multidisciplinary, multimedia work published in Lucid, Rachael's courses focus on the transformative potential of personal writing in higher education. She thinks that when students are given the space and the tools to express themselves, they write beautifully.

Ryan "Flaco" Rising

Ryan Flaco Rising, West Coast Credible Messengers Director and PhD candidate in Criminology Law and Society at the University of California, Irvine, leverages his personal experience as a formerly incarcerated individual to assist others transitioning into higher education at UCI. His research focuses on creating pathways for formerly incarcerated individuals in higher education and analyzing the evolution of related programs. Ryan's advocacy, including founding the Gaucho Underground Scholars Program at the University of California, Santa Barbara, has played a pivotal role in expanding similar programs across UC campuses. He has received prestigious awards for his work and authored pieces in various publications, showcasing the power of formerly incarcerated individuals in producing innovative solutions and sustainable pathways for their communities, encapsulated in his 'Organic Leadership' theory.

Lisandra Rising

Lisandra is an Undergraduate at the University of California, Irvine majoring in Social Policy and Public Service with a focus on Education. Lisandra serves as the Recruitment Coordinator for the Underground Scholars program at UCI. She is also part of a blended family and lives with her son and daughter who are both 14.

Mia Voloshin

Mia is a Freshman at University High and plays indoor volleyball. On her free time, she enjoys being with her friends, shopping, and going to the beach. She eventually wants to pursue college courses before and after she graduates high school.

Riley Rising

Riley is originally from Montana and moved to CA last year in eighth grade. He is now a Freshman at University High and is involved with jiu jitsu and wrestling at his high school. Riley enjoys skateboarding and free-styling on his free time. He wants to join the marines after he graduates.

Pedro Nieves

Pedro Nieves is a Visual Storyteller, photographer, and a UC Irvine Alumni who graduated with a Bachelors in Studio Arts. Pedro works as a freelance portrait photographer, volunteers as a sports photographer for Antelope Valley College, and is a member of the West Coast Credible Messengers. He also uses his photography to tell stories of culture, dreams, and pride and bring awareness to current issues within the immigrant and formerly incarcerated/ system-impacted communities. He is currently attending Antelope Valley College in pursuit of a videography certificate to broaden his storytelling skills. He looks forward to further developing his photography and putting his name out in the art world.